Pokemon / Morons

The Revolution Era - WEEK TWO RANKINGS & NEWS

BREAKING NEWS: The question on everyone’s mind this week: Why Cena Why? With the shocking finale to Monday Night Raw, John Cena turned his back on the WWE Universe, but to what end? What is the leader of the Cenation thinking? MORE TO COME AS WE GET IT…
Monday Night RAW Rankings
1.       WWE Champion | CM Punk: Still holding it strong at number one this week is our WWE Champion and BEST IN THE WORLD… CM Punk. For, of course, obvious reasons.
2.       Daniel Bryan: Another win for The American Dragon keeps him secure in his place at number two. Honorable as always, DBry might have a serious issue to contend with in the form of John Cena… If Cena hasn’t left the WWE for good!
3.       Sheamus: The Celtic Warrior informed us this week that you shouldn’t count him out just yet. So we certainly won’t!
4.       Stone Cold: Rumors are still a buzz backstage that the rattlesnake is looming in the shadows. We’re all ready for his return, but is our WWE Champion?
5.       Christ Jericho: Drunk tweeting about a return as all of us here rolling our eyes. Y2J should be Y2Done, yet the former wrestler turned rock star seems to think a return to the ring is imminent. We think you should hang up your tights Chrissy Poo and stick to being the best at what you do, somewhere else.
6.       SAY WHAT?!: Sources backstage tell us The Best in the World has been chatting it up with one of his contenders… But they couldn’t identify which. Curious.
1.       Christian: Topping our list this week isn’t the Champion himself, but our very own Captain Charisma! Shocking everyone in the back and everyone at ringside this Monday Night by brutally attacking The Miz. Christian’s made sure no one has forgotten that he’s as unpredictable as ever. And we kinda like it. 
2.       Intercontinental Champion | The Miz: With a double loss on Monday Night Raw we’re hard pressed to actually keep The Miz at the top of this list. I mean he couldn’t beat The New Age Outlaws, and Cody Rhodes mopped the floor with him. How are you even still champion?
3.       Cody Rhodes: With a win over The Miz this Monday, Cody should have moved up the list. However he holds strong at number 3. If the video game geek wants a title shot, he’s gotta start thinking bigger. We’re thinking some pain paint and a bright body suit, yes? No. Oh well, can’t say we didn’t try.
4.       Justin Gabriel: Missing from RAW this week was our South African dare wolf, but his voice was still heard. Justin was just too busy jumping out of an airplane into a pool of sharks… or something equally crazy we’re sure.
5.       Road Dogg: Remaining at the bottom of the list, the D-O-Double G still hangs on to hopes of claiming that single title reign. But now we hear rumors that Billy Gunn might just be gunning for it as well. Could we end up seeing a Road Dogg vs Billy Gunn match up soon?
1.       Tag Team Champions | New Age Outlaws: Remaining at number one this week with a big win over The Show Stoppers, is our tag team champs. The Outlaws are on fire it seems, and though the tag teams in the back are shifting, the duo doesn’t seem phased. Someone might want to give them a clue.
2.       The Show Stoppers: You are reading that right. Keeping strong at number two is the only duo in the WWE that make you want to pull your hair out, and throw your panties at the ring. Ziggler and The Miz aren’t letting their loss on RAW put a damper on thing. Trashing The Outlaws locker room, and making sure people know they aren’t going anywhere. Good, we’d cry if they did.
3.       The Real Americans: Someone please tell us that Brock Lesnar didn’t attack Cena before his match with Daniel Bryan? Coming back with a mission, Swagger sicked the Beast on the leader of the Cenation resulting in his loss to Daniel Bryan. But was Lesnar and Swagger’s plan to remove Cena from the WWE? Or were they just looking to shake things up?
4.       Legacy: Haven’t heard anything in the back yet from Ted Dibiase, but we’re sure the duo isn’t going to remain quiet for long.  I mean just look at their fathers, they weren’t born from a silent bunch.
5.       Switchblade Conspiracy: A small conversation in a dark hallway that we just happened to overhear seems to be hinting at two indie stars teaming up to take the tag team division by storm. What awaits the WWE when Sami Callihan reforms his deadly tag team with The Filth Parade’s leader Corey Graves? We’re shaking in our boots waiting to find out.
SAY WHAT?!: Another week, another message from The Shield. This time when the screen went back, the sounds of howls could be heard before the mysterious words appeared. This week the words read out: THE HOUNDS ARE COMING. If anyone wants, we still have room in our getaway van.

Total Divas Rankings
1.       Television Champion | Jimmy Jacobs: Jimmy sat this week out, but that doesn’t mean he was missing. Jimmy was seen coming to the aid of Fandango after the brutal attack at the hands of X-Pac. The glare the Zombie Princess sent the returning degenerate’s way chilled our blood, that’s for sure.
2.       Bradshaw: He took the victory this week from Jinder Mahal, and showed the word that he wasn’t going be over looked. Well Bradshaw we aren’t overlooking you. In fact we’re still confused on who you even are.
3.       Jinder Mahal: Losing to the monster that is Bradshaw is nothing to be ashamed of, but Jinder seemed to have taken it hard. Trashing his locker room and screaming at us as he slammed the locker room door in our faces. We didn’t even know swinging doors could slam. Who knew.
4.       X-Pac: Sticking strong at number four is the degenerate who has everyone questioning the WWE’s sanity. Putting Fandango down with a lead pipe wasn’t necessary. But the man sure seemed to think it was.
5.       Tyson Kidd: Who’s that kid? Why it’s Mr. Natalya, oh we mean Tyson Kidd! With Fandango’s condition still unknown, Tyson Kidd takes the Dancing Divas spot at number five.
SAY WHAT?!: Sources inform us that Fandango could have possibly suffered a concussion after the attack by X-Pac. But what is still unknown is if Fandango will be on next week for Total Divas. There is also rumors of a shift about to happen in the Male Divas Division. Who’s coming? Who’s going? Only Dixie Carter knows, and she’s not telling us.


SAY WHAT?!: Don’t worry Glamazon fans, Beth Phoenix was not injured this past week. In fact the only thing wounded on her is her pride. And those rumors we keep hearing are still reporting about a possible return to action by Trish Stratus, but as of this writing we’re not keeping our hopes up.

Impact Rankings

1.       Impact X Division Champion | Manik: Joining commentary this week, Manik let himself be heard, and we fell in love with his brand of humor. I saw we give him a mic more often. We’d love to see more of what goes on behind that mask.
2.       Chris Sabin: Remaining at number two this week is Chris Sabin. It’s looking like he’s gunning for his title back, and we just hope Manik’s ready for him this time around.
3.       Alex Shelley: What a way to make a comeback! Sting was left battered after Alex Shelley’s return to action this week. But what stands in his way now is a former friend and an unstoppable force. Can Shelley overcome the odds and claim the X Division Championship for himself?
4.       Roderick Strong: Trying to make a name for himself was one thing, but putting your body where your mouth is was another. Battling the likes of Goldburg and Matt Hardy, Strong proved that he’s got the guts to stand up strong in the X Division. We just hope it didn’t go to his ego…
5.       Christopher Daniels: Speaking of ego! With Austin Aries punted out of the top five, Christopher Daniels steps up to take his place. Never much for solo action, it’s a dawning of a new day, and this Bad Influence can influence us any day!

Friday Night Smackdown Rankings



SAY WHAT?!: We have just learned that Mick Foley has been assigned to a mental health facility. We honestly think that this not have come at a better time. After that confusing “triple threat match” between two of Mick Foley’s own personalities and Alberto Del Rio, we were wondering if maybe WE were the crazy ones. It’s a relief to find out that it IS actually Mick who’s crazy and not us.
Pokemon / Morons

The Revolution Era - Week Two: SMACKDOWN

SMACKDOWN Commentary Team: Colt Cabana and Alex Riley
SMACKDOWN General Manager: Shane McMahon

COLT: Welcome peasants to the greatest show on WWE TV, Friday Night Smackdown! I’m Colt Cabana here with my new best friend Alex Riley.
ALEX: Have you fired Punk?
COLT: He doesn’t answer my texts anymore.
ALEX: So that’s a yes?
COLT: Or my phone calls.
ALEX: You know you got this look in your eyes…
COLT: Or my e-mails.
ALEX: I’m begging you to be kidding right now.
COLT: Antonio Cesaro, I was one of the unlucky ones to know him in his days at Ring of Honor. Unlucky in that I was never good enough by Nigel McGuiness’s standers to get in the ring with him.
ALEX: Oh goodie a subject change.
COLT: What do you mean?
ALEX: Nothing.
COLT: While Alex gets himself back in order..
ALEX: I wasn’t the one OUT of order you…
COLT: I’m trying to do my job here. Wow.
ALEX: Oh forget it. Today we see the return of Val Venis and Chainsaw Charlie. Two legends of the WWE and gonna be challenges for Cesaro.
COLT: I think he can take them.
ALEX: Well no one really asked you.

(Triple Threat Match)

COLT: I don’t think Val realized the type of match this would turn into.
ALEX: Yet with Cesaro and Charlie focusing on each other, Val could have gotten out of this clean.
COLT: Not with the way Charlie rolls. Val got it just as bad as Cesaro did.
ALEX: And Charlie comes out on top. The old guy’s still got it!


COLT: What was that?
ALEX: Sandow getting his brains beat it.
COLT: I don’t think I’ve seen a quicker match. Ever.
ALEX: Sandow apparently called Tensai a big oaf backstage earlier tonight, hence the anger in Tensai now.
COLT: And with that over we continue our night with our tag team division.
ALEX: The return of the WWE’s  high flying duo in Rey Mysterio and Evan Bourne!
COLT: Medical staff are standing by it seems just in case Rey breaks his hip.
ALEX: I believe you stole that from our Impact team.
COLT: I might have.


COLT: And here we thought it’d be Rey who needed the medical help.
ALEX: Evan Bourne going head first into the barricade, and he was just unable to get back into the ring.
COLT: Rey’s helping him to the back, that’s very nice of him.
ALEX: I don’t think that’s the last we’ve seen of Evan Bourne, but if it was: Thanks for coming out.
COLT: Nice accent there.
ALEX: Thanks I’ve been practicing.
COLT: Our #1 Contender’s match tonight, made for our by Shane McMahon himself… he said he wanted to test out Otunga..
ALEX: Test him or kill him!?
COLT: The World’s Most Dangerous man is back… Can I quit now or should I give my two weeks.
ALEX: If I were Otunga, I’d be turning in my resignation right now.

(#1 Contender’s Match | Falls Count Anywhere Match)

COLT: I am completely confused. Did David Otunga just beat Ken Shamrock?
ALEX: I feel like we’re in the Twilight Zone here.
COLT: Speaking of Twilight Zone… Can this next match even happen?
ALEX: Apparently we’re going to find out.

(Triple Threat Match)

COLT: I seen it with my own eyes, but I still don’t even know what I just watched.
ALEX: Neither does Del Rio as he’s still sitting in the ring scratching his head.
COLT: Mick Foley has lost what little mind he had left. Fighting himself? Throwing himself through the barricade, and even tossing himself off the top rope? Seriously how is this guy not been committed yet?
ALEX: I don’t know but we need to… go or something.
COLT: Next week on Smackdown… something that makes sense!
ALEX: Here’s hoping.
Pokemon / Morons

The Revolution Era - Week Two: IMPACT

Week Two: IMPACT
IMPACT Commentary Team: Taz and Josh Mathews
IMPACT General Manager: Dixie Carter Bully Ray

TAZ: Welcome back to the Impact Zone!
JOSH: Dixie Carter is shaken up tonight after the unbelievable actions of X-Pac last night on Total Divas.
TAZ: Never trusted that little puke.
JOSH: Well I just hope we get some news tonight on the wellbeing of Fandango.
TAZ: Well we can’t wait around all night for that. So tonight we have a SPECIAL GM stepping in to take charge!
JOSH: I do not like the sound of that…
TAZ: TNA alumni, and former Impact Heavyweight Champion, and my best friend: Bully Ray!
JOSH: Yup don’t like this at all…

BULLY RAY: Seeing as our Mrs. Carter is too worried about the precious Dancing Diva to pay any mind to her own show, I’ve stepped in to take control. First off, AJ Style is here by BANNED from the Impact Zone. Now that that’s taken care of. Our first match tonight is gonna be a test match. You see we got a lot of new snot noses brats running around in the back and I’m not too kind on sharing my spot with them. So tonight, three of them are going to go head to head in this ring, the winner might get himself a title shot.
ALEX SHELLEY: You know Bully you talk an awful lot of BS.
BULLY RAY: I’d watch your tone with me boy.
ALEX SHELLEY: Please. As if I could ever be scared of you.
BULLY RAY: Well you should be, because your big mouth just landed you in a match tonight.
ALEX SHELLEY: Bring it Bully! I’m ready to face anyone. Who you got for me.
BULLY RAY: Another pain in my ass: STING!
ALEX SHELLEY: …. Oh shit.

TAZ: Shelley should have quit while he was ahead.
JOSH: I don’t think he even came out here ahead.
TAZ: I know, that’s what I meant.
JOSH: Gotcha. Well like Bully said our first match tonight is featuring all new members of the Impact roster. Returning to the WWE, the one and luckily only Matt Hardy.
TAZ: Joining that loud mouth wannabe is a little up and comer from Ring of Honor, Roderick Strong. We’ll see if the kid can live up to the hype.
JOSH: Both are gonna have to be on their toes tonight because the last man in that triple threat… is none other than GOLDBURG.
TAZ: Wow. Listen to this crowd.
TAZ: I SAID… oh forget it.

(Triple Threat Match)

TAZ: Hardy and Strong were smart to focus the attention on Goldburg first.
JOSH: But their partnership didn’t last long. Strong realized you can’t trust a Hardy.
TAZ: Don’t think he was too worried after he body slammed Hardy on those steel steps.
JOSH: Yet neither Hardy or Strong could overcome GOLDBURG!
TAZ: The man is a beast.
JOSH: And something tells me if he doesn’t get that title shot, someone’s getting hurt.
TAZ: Speaking of getting hurt, Aries just took Sabin out!
JOSH: Chris Sabin’s been on a lot of nerves in the past, but I thought he’d made amends with the locker room?
TAZ: Apparently Aries wasn’t swayed. That clothesline damn near took Sabin’s head off!
JOSH: Let’s just hope the ref can get these two in a ring, before they destroy the arena or each other.


TAZ: Sabin trying new things in the match… Was that Cena’s AA?
JOSH: I believe so. Maybe he’s showing he can be an A+ player?
TAZ: Well I think he’s damn near proved it to everyone here
JOSH: Aries tried everything, but it just wasn’t enough.
TAZ: Makes you wonder who lit the fire under Sabin’s ass.
JOSH: And it seems… we’re being joined by X Division Champion, Manik.
TAZ: Boy do you even speak English?
MANIK: Do you speak anything but moron?
JOSH: Welcome to the team, Manik. But what’re you doing out here?
TAZ: Yeah it’s not like either of these men are even in the X Division.
MANIK: Sin Cara made a big splash last week, and I’m here to check out our newest masked fighter.
JOSH: There can be only one…
TAZ: What are you on about Josh?
MANIK: We’re masked fighters, not Highlanders.
JOSH: Okay I’m just gonna be quiet now.
MANIK: Probably a good idea.


MANIK: Bobby Roode making Sin Cara look like an amateur. I should have known not to get my hopes up for any competition.
JOSH: Well they’re always Rey Mysterio on Smackdown.
MANIK: Right. If I move wrong in the ring he might break his hip. He’s had it replaced, what five times?
JOSH: Three I think.
TAZ: Gonna stick around for this next one Manik?
MANIK: Shelley’s someone to look out for, so sure. Wouldn’t kill me. Got nothing but walls to climb in the back.
JOSH: Let’s see if the Icon can handle the returning Alex Shelley.
TAZ: That’s a joke right? I’m no fan of Sting but come on…
MANIK: If he can’t beat him, I’m thinking retirement should be an option in his near future.


MANIK: Seems that he hasn’t changed on bit. Still a slime ball.
TAZ: Looking like Dixie might have fired the wrong Maffia guy. Sting’s looking a bit rough there.
JOSH: I’m in shock right now.
MANIK: Past his prime doesn’t even begin to describe Sting. So let’s move on, what do you got next for… Mother F…
JOSH: Whoa! We can’t say that on TV!

AJ STYLES: I bought a ticket, see.
BULLY RAY: Bought a ticket my big toe. Security!
JEFF HARDY: No Bull, I got this.
BULLY RAY: You had better, or else I’ll ban the both of you.

MANIK: I think I’m gonna be sick.
JOSH: I guess our main event is set. Jeff Hardy will go one on one with AJ Styles.

MANIK: You will never hear me say this ever again but: THANK YOU HARDY.
TAZ: You’re not the only one screaming it tonight. All of Impact is.
JOSH: AJ Styles was shown the door in the only way Jeff Hardy knows how.
MANIK: With a botched drug test?
TAZ: Ha! I like this kid.
JOSH: You two are hilarious. Good night from Impact Wrestling!
Pokemon / Morons

The Revolution Era - Week Two: TOTAL DIVAS

TOTAL DIVAS Commentary Team: Jerry “The King” Lawler and Dixie Carter
TOTAL DIVAS General Manager: Sable

KING: And here we are ladies and gentlemen, back for another week! After last week, we can’t even begin to explain what’s going to happen tonight.
DIXIE: We can tell you that our main event tonight features the return of Degeneration X’s very own spitfire X-Pac!
KING: That might be a mistake Dix. He was always a little bit of a loose cannon. Not even Triple H could control him.
DIXIE: Well I’m sure Mr. McMahon knows what he’s doing resigning him.
KING: I sure hope you’re right with that.
DIXIE: First up tonight we have Kaitlyn, back in action in on WWE TV in some time.
KING: Against Rosa Mendes who also hasn’t been seen in the WWE in a while.
DIXIE: I guess we’ll find out if the time off these two ladies have had made them better, or worse.

KING: Not even five minutes into the match and our poor announce table…
DIXIE: They don’t make them like they used to I’m afraid.
KING: Rosa with that DDT through the table though, how did Kaitlyn ever manage to get up from that?
DIXIE: Us southern girls are built of stronger stuff, Jerry.
KING: Obviously as Kaitlyn walks away with the win tonight.
DIXIE: And on the ramp Kaitlyn is met by her friend AJ Lee.
KING: The Chickbusters back together again. Now that’ll bring a smile to anyone’s face.
DIXIE: Kaitlyn won tonight, but let’s see if AJ can overcome the odds here against Layla and Reby Sky.
KING: Reby Sky Hardy. That little lady is the new Mrs. Matt Hardy actually.
DIXIE: That she is.

(Triple Threat Match)

DIXIE: I don’t see how anyone can condone when it’s two on one! AJ was out numbered through the whole match.
KING: Layla though still proved that she’s the Diva to watch out for.
DIXIE: Easy for her to come out on top when Reby did all the work.
KING: Layla just wants back in the championship picture, but I’m afraid she’s just hit a brick wall.
DIXIE: Who’s name is Kharma. Layla didn’t stick around out here for long after she arrived, now did she? A little different when the woman is bigger than you.
KING: You’re stuck on that bully thing aren’t you?
DIXIE: I am. I don’t like bullies.
KING: Bet you hate looking in the mirror too.
DIXIE: What?


KING: And Beth Phoenix is not getting up. That slam by Kharma has taken out the Divas Champion.
DIXIE: We might need medical out to ring side. I don’t think Beth is getting up on her own.
KING: As the medical staff checks on our Divas champions we take a quick look at our next match.
DIXIE: Last week Jinder claimed the number one contendership for the television championship, while Bradshaw was defeated by the champ!
KING: If Jinder can win one tonight over Bradshaw that will put him right in league with Jimmy Jacobs himself.
DIXIE: Now I wouldn’t go that far with things Jerry. Jinder has a long ways to go before he can compete with our Zombie Princess.


KING: Not surprised by the sheer domination shown by Bradshaw here… and what is this?
DIXIE: Who is that?!
KING: That’s Faarooq. Bradshaw’s old tag team partner… but I thought he was retired?
DIXIE: In this era of WWE I don’t think you can count anyone as retired. Take the man heading to the ring right now.
KING: X-Pac I don’t think ever retired so much as everyone stopped caring.
DIXIE: Doesn’t seem as if the crowd cares now either.
KING: Not surprising. Also not surprising is the major reaction for Fandango!
DIXIE: I think I’m in love here Jerry.
KING: Sorry Dixie, you’re a bit old for me.
DIXIE: What?
KING: Nothing.


KING: A sad return… OMG!
KING: X-Pac showing his true colors and beating Fandango with that pipe. I just… I’m sickened.
DIXIE: Someone has to help him!
KING: This is not the way we should be ending this program… Unbelievable.
Pokemon / Morons

The Revolution Era - Week Two: RAW

Week Two: RAW
RAW Commentary Team: Alex Riley, John “Bradshaw” Layfield, and Jerry “The King” Lawler
RAW General Manager: Vince McMahon

ALEX: And once again we are here for Monday Night RAW! I’m Alex Riley, here with JBL and the hall a famer Jerry “The King” Lawler.
JBL: We got one hell of a show tonight, promised by our CEO Vince McMahon himself.
KING: And we aren’t wasting any time tonight, starting off with our Tag Team champs in action!
ALEX: Ziggler once again trying his hand at this tag team division. This time he’s got The Miz with him. The two have been calling themselves The Show Stoppers all week long, news backstage is that the two are looking to make some big moves in the WWE.
JBL: Big moves right to the top. I wouldn’t put it past Ziggler or Miz to go gunning for Punk in the near future.
KING: It might take the two of them to take out the Best in the World at this point. Punk’s untouchable!

ALEX: Once again a very disappointing loss for Ziggler. You gotta feel for the guy, he just can’t get a break here.
KING: But what about The Miz? Taking that beating and still having to go on to face the likes of Cody Rhodes later tonight? Is it wise for him to even compete again?
JBL: Probably not. And SPEAKING OF RHODES!
ALEX: I heard backstage that our newest resident badboy, Corey Graves got into the face of Goldust earlier tonight.
JBL: The two were looking to go to blows in the locker room area when this kid came out of nowhere and took Graves out.
KING: TJ Perkins we’ve learned, and we have nothing on him. It’s like he’s a ghost. Doesn’t exist anywhere. Where’d he come from? Why’s he here?
ALEX: Who’s his trainer? Do you see that boy’s abdominal muscles?
JBL: Oh please. He’s photoshopped.
ALEX: Except he’s standing right in front of us.
(Triple Threat Match)

JBL: This kid, whoever he is, is obviously a high flyer. I haven’t seen moves like that since Jeff Hardy!
ALEX: Best watch it JBL, kid’s glaring at you.
KING: Probably doesn’t take too kindly to being compared to Jeff Hardy.
JBL: Well he probably also shouldn’t have stuck his nose into Graves’ business. It just got him destroyed!
ALEX: Something tells me we haven’t seen the last of this TJ Perkins kid.
JBL: Not even close to it. Now wait a minute here. I thought The Usos were back together again?
KING: They are, but Jimmy claimed to have some unfinished business with Drew McIntyre.
ALEX: Whatever it is, good luck to him.

JBL: Jimmy’s zero for two in singles competition. He should go back to the tag division. At least there he can say he was winning.
KING: The shocking part of this was Vince McMahon coming down to congratulate Drew. I knew he was The Chosen One, but what does this mean for the rest of the WWE Universe?
ALEX: Playing favorites never gets anyone anywhere.
JBL: Now this… This is interesting. The Miz is fighting the doctors backstage to allow him to compete!
KING: While we wait to see if The Miz can compete tonight, Cody Rhodes is making his way to the ring… OH MY GOD!
ALEX: And that right there folks is what makes The Miz dangerous. Everyone always counts him out, but you can’t. Ever.
JBL: Attacking Cody Rhodes from behind, it’s a typical Miz move, but Cody is not going to take that sitting down…
KING: This just keeps getting more and more confusing… Christian is now down here at ring side, and it’s looking like he’s come to help The Miz take out Cody…
ALEX: But no! Christian taking out frustrations on The Miz! But why? What’s going on in Christian’s head?
JBL: I don’t think ANYONE knows.

ALEX: Such a great match, despite the turns it took. Like that one… Miz proving to everyone that he’s as horrible now as he’s ever been.
KING: There was no need for that low blow. Cody was trying to prove that he’s honorable and Miz goes and does something like that.
JBL: Why are any of you even surprised? No one has honor anymore.
ALEX: Well we know one guy who does… He’s back!
KING: Oh yes he is! And listen to this crowd.
JBL: Back and down again! Brock Lesnar out of nowhere, taking John Cena out.
ALEX: So the rumors and whispers were true. Swagger did bring the Beast back!
KING: So what’s going to happen to our match now?
JBL: Mr. McMahon says it continues.
ALEX: Good luck Cena.
KING: I don’t know how Cena’s supposed to compete with the likes of Daniel Bryan after an attack like that…
(#1 Contender’s Match)

JBL: If I hadn’t seen it, I certainly wouldn’t have believed it! Daniel Bryan beat John Cena. Not only beat him, but made him tap out!
KING: OMG! John Cena just hit Daniel Bryan with a low blow… Of all people. I never in a million years would have seen that coming!
ALEX: I’m speechless here… What a way to end Monday Night Raw… I just…
Pokemon / Morons

The Revolution Era - WEEK ONE RANKINGS & NEWS

Monday Night RAW Rankings
1.       WWE Champion | CM Punk: Remaining at the top of the rankings for the week is the WWE Champion CM Punk. Though no title defense tonight, Punk made sure the world still knows he’s the Best in the World the only way he knows how… with his mouth.
2.       Daniel Bryan: With a stunning victory over Sheamus, Daniel Bryan claims the number one contender spot. But with Cena’s return rumored for the coming weeks, will he remain there, or with the leader of the Cenation topple the American Dragon?
3.       John Cena: A rumored returned leaves the WWE universe questioning. Is John Cena really returning to the WWE after his loss to Alberto Del Rio at WrestleMania? Or is this just a nasty trick Vince McMahon is playing on the WWE Universe?
4.       Sheamus: After his disappointing loss to Daniel Bryan this week, and his apparent medical problems still looming over head; Is the Celtic Warrior up for his return to the top, or has he returned to soon?
5.       Stone Cold: Twitter was a buzz this week with a strange tweet from the rattlesnake: “Might need to have a cold one with an old boss of mine.” Does this mean what we all hope it means?
1.       Intercontinental Champion | The Miz: And your new Intercontinental Champion… The Miz put our former champ on ice and the locker room is still buzzing at the heel turn that shocked the world… well everyone but the WWE Universe that is.
2.       Justin Gabriel: With a shocking win over the returning Christian, Gabriel proved that he wasn’t just an NXT reject. Now he just has to hope that Christian didn’t take that loss personal.
3.       Cody Rhodes: Having your best friend come back to work certainly changes a person. Cody has made it very clear that his eyes see only gold. His target? The Miz.
4.       Christian: Injury hasn’t stopped him, but after his loss to Justin Gabriel are we seeing a new change in our Captain? No one in the back will blame him from walking away… well no one but the WWE Universe.
5.       Road Dogg: Oh you didn’t know? Well neither did we. The D-O-Double G told JBL on his show that he was sick of the Tag Team race and wanted more. A warning from us to you Miz, don’t go petting this puppy anytime soon, because this Dogg bites.
1.       Tag Team Champions | New Age Outlaws: Oh you didn’t know… you better call somebody because The New Age Outlaws are back baby! These two returned during the aftermath of WrestleMania bringing new life back into our tag team division. With the six time champions back, everyone is stepping up to take them on. The Dogg and Assman had just two words for ya: Bring it.
2.       Show Stoppers: It was a shocker on Monday night when Ziggler joined forces once more with Jack Swagger in an odd tag team matchup. The match ended badly for the former partners, but Ziggler wouldn’t be swayed with a bad night. Teaming up with The Miz, the two proved to the WWE Universe why they are the biggest stars in the WWE today! Fitting name too boys.
3.       The Real Americans: Swagger wasn’t going to be left in no ditch after being tossed by Ziggler, and there is no shortage of Americans in the WWE. Sadly for the tag team division the animal Swagger found… should have been left in the cage. What is Swagger thinking in teaming up with Brock Lesnar? Who even knows anymore.
4.       Legacy: WrestleMania might have brought about the end of the Rhodes Dynasty, but it didn’t mean the end of the road for Cody Rhodes. With the shocking return of Ted Dibiase, are the two thinking of teaming back up? Neither would comment, but the smiles on their faces was answer enough for us.
5.       The Usos: Try and try again. The Usos tried to part ways on Monday to mixed results. Is it the end of the twins? Nope. Jimmy and Jey both made up and it’s looking like they’ve put their big boy pants back on and are ready to go.
SAY WHAT?!: With the downfall of The Authority it seemed we’d seen the last of The Shield… right? WRONG! As Monday Night Raw went off the air, the trio made very sure the WWE Universe knew they were still at large by taking over our Titantron with three simple words: JUSTICE WILL PREVAIL. If we weren’t terrified of the Hounds of Justice before… we certainly are now.

Total Divas Rankings
1.       Television Champion | Jimmy Jacobs: Making a huge splash on his first ever WWE TV appearance and overcoming all the odd, Jimmy Jacobs retained his championship. But will the Zombie Princess be able to remain champion?
2.       Jinder Mahal: Don’t call him a Diva, call him a Prince. Jinder Mahal is apparently done with his former stable mates and ready to make a name for himself… and oh boy did he ever.
3.       Bradshaw: The mystery surrounding Bradshaw is something that’s got the whole WWE Universe scratching their heads… especially JBL who when asked said: “Are you out of your mind? Do I look like I have mental issues? Go talk to Foley!”
4.       X-PAC: Triple H wasn’t fooling around when he called for help, but we wish he had been. The former D-X member hasn’t been silent about his impending return to the WWE. We only wish he would be.
5.       Fandango: The Dancing Diva himself comes to Total Divas with a chip on his shoulder. After the brutal slap by his former girlfriend Summer Rae left him dancing solo at WrestleMania, the man is looking to make a new start for himself. But with how far he’s fallen, is there any point in getting up?
SAY WHAT?!: Who’s that kid in the pink and black macking on Natalya? Why it’s none other than Tyson Kidd! The Hart Foundation seems to be crawling its way back into the WWE, and Tyson is just the next stepping stone.
1.       The Bella Twins: You can look but you can’t touch. The Bellas became the first Diva’s tag team champs and they haven’t stopped since. Singles competition aside, the twins look better than ever. The only issue we see? They’re only on once a week. Boo WWE. Boo.
2.       The Beautiful People: Shock! Awe! OMG! Angelina Love returned on the arm of her longtime partner and bestest friend Velvet Sky this week. Back and forth with the Funkadactyls left the two friends in the number one contenders spot. Not bad for a team who haven’t been together in a few years.
3.       Funkadactyls: Someone better call their mommas, because the girls were rocking it out this week. Sadly they came up just short thanks to the return of Angelina Love. But we don’t expect them to stay there.
4.       Laycool: Speaking of returns! Was that Michelle McCool we saw on the arm of The Undertaker? YES IT WAS! Moments later Layla and Michelle were seen crying and hugging in the hall. This does not bode well for the tag division.
5.       Chickbusters: Who ya gonna call? CHICKBUSTERS! After a brutal match in which AJ proved to the WWE Universe that she was back to the spitfire we all fall in love with, her friend Kaitlyn was there to pick up the pieces. Another tearful reunion? Nah, these two girls turned around and marathoned the first 10 seasons of The Simpsons while eating Ben & Jerry’s. Now that’s a friendship!
1.       Divas Champion | Beth Phoenix: From her shocking return to her to a triple threat match, Beth Phoenix is making sure EVERY Diva in the WWE knows she’s back and ready for a fight. We’d feel bad, but considering how she was fired from the company by the vicious Eve, we think it’s justice served.
2.       Nikki Bella: From the top rope right to the top of the list. Nikki Bella this week proved that her boobs are the only improvement she’s made. Maybe her superstar boyfriend’s been giving her private wrestling lessons.
3.       Brie Bella: Speaking of getting lessons… We know for a fact that the future Mrs. Bryan has been very busy training with her soon to be husband. Could this be the start of a feud between the sisters? We can only be so lucky.
4.       Trish Stratus: … … … STRATUSFACTION! It’s the word that comes to mind whenever anyone thinks of the MILF with the most. Could we really be seeing a return of the greatest Diva to ever live? We certainly hope so.
5.       Kharma: Beth Phoenix better watch out, rumor has it another Amazon is gunning for her title. Kharma has a beef to settle with the whole Divas locker room, and we pity anyone who ends up in his path of destruction.
SAY WHAT?!: CM Punk was spotted earlier this week trying to sneak a very red headed fishnet wearing woman into one of the arenas. We caught them, but only just to see the tall end of an ass any Extreme Team fanboy or girl would recognize. Could it be Lita? We think so.

Impact Rankings
1.       Impact World Heavyweight Champion | Samoa Joe: Joe’s gonna kill us if we don’t make him number one… Well actually probably not. The man deserves to have the number one spot, even if his ego is getting to us and everyone in the Impact locker room. If Joe’s not careful, someone’s gonna kill him.
2.       Sin Cara: We honestly wish we were kidding with this folks, but the masked fighter is back and back with anger we’ve never seen before outside of The Brothers of Destruction. He’s got his eyes set on the championship, we just can’t tell which.
3.       Bobby Roode: After a shocking appearing this week on Friday Night Smackdown, where he attached both Alberto Del Rio AND Mark Henry Bobby Roode is making sure the whole of the WWE Universe knows his name. We just hope he knows what he’s getting into.
4.       Kevin Steen: FIGHT STEEN FIGHT! He’s here to do just that. Even beating the champion this past week wasn’t enough for us. We want to see the Steen everyone in Ring of Honor learned to fear. Package pile drive us is you must Steen, but it’s the truth!
5.       Ka$$ius Ohno: OH NO! Ka$$ius has certainly made Dixie Carter, the GM of Impact a very happy woman this week. Putting AJ Styles on the unemployment line, and making a name for himself upon the Impact locker room. We salute the former NXT star, and wish him the best of luck.
SAY WHAT?!: After Impact went off the air we discovered that Dixie Carter had been attacked by none other than AJ Styles. The coward didn’t even have the balls to face the superstars who came to the woman’s aid and fled the arena. We hope this wasn’t the last we’ll see of AJ Styles, because we know a few people who have some very choice words for him.
1.       Impact X Division Champion | Manik: Don’t count the masked kid out! Manik came back from the TNA buy out on top of the world, defeating Chris Sabin to reclaim his X Division title. But did he gain it back just to lose it again? We don’t think so. Manik is on fire, and looks like he’ll be staying that way.
2.       Chris Sabin: HAIL SABIN! Crowds are once again backing Sabin as the man turned faced and helped his TNA brethren through the buyout with his head held high. Now we just wait and see if this change is permanent or just a fluke.
3.       Austin Aries: He’s no stranger to the X Division but now that the title holds no merits to gaining the Heavyweight championship, will Aries remain gunning for Manik? We certainly hope so. Austin has proven he is the best the X Division has to offer, and we can honestly believe he will be champion once again.
4.       Alex Shelley: Veiled threats on twitter signal the return of Alex Shelley to Impact, but will he be aiming for Manik or his former best friend Chris Sabin? Either way the man could be a contender for the X Division, whether we like it or not.
5.       Roderick Strong: Who, why, how, and when… all good questions everyone in the locker room has been asking about the announcement that Roderick Strong, from Ring of Honor fame, will be joining the Impact roster. But will the man be a hinder to the X Division or a help?
SAY WHAT?!: For years in Impact, the X Division was a gate way to bigger and better things. Now under WWE management, the X Division has been given new life and a new push. It’s no longer a means to get to the Heavyweight Champion, but a championship people want all for themselves. But was removing Ultimate X from the Division a good call? Many in the locker room say no. But we remain hopeful and that WWE will bring our beloved match back to us. LONG LIVE THE X!

Friday Night Smackdown Rankings
1.       World Heavyweight Champion | Alberto Del Rio: By shocking the world and taking out the leader of the Cenation, Del Rio proved why he’s a born champion. But now he’s got a target on his back. We hope he’s ready to duck and cover.
2.       Randy Orton: This week was not Randy’s week. First he was banned from RAW, then told that he’d have to face The Big Show for number one contender rights. Then to make matters worse, Del Rio took a lead pipe to the back of his pretty little skull. We’d feel sympathy, but we honestly don’t care.
3.       Mark Henry: How come he’s only at number three? Well Mark Henry’s been gone over a year now, and beating Del Rio isn’t much of a hard task for the World’s Strongest Man. We’d be more impressed if he was able to take out Orton for us first.
4.       Cactus Jack:
5.       Mankind:
SAY WHAT!?: No you didn’t read those two ranking wrong. Mick Foley is back and apparently his mind is more scrambled than ever before. Instead of it just being one person, we now have to contend with all three of his twisted personalities. What we’d like to know is: What happens when one becomes champion and another is number one contender? We’re sure Foley could pull off a single man match up, but while he’s doing that we’ll be fitting him for a straitjacket.
1.       United States Champion | Santino Marella: Overcoming the odds and finally beating Dean Ambrose wasn’t something anyone thought would come from Santino of all people. Then again he’s been shocking us since day one. Two for you Cobra.
2.       David Otunga: Now let’s be honest here… the man’s a lawyer and dated stars in Hollywood. He comes back to the WWE and takes out John Cena, then claims to want to prove he’s the best in the US? Right. Someone should tell Otunga that he’s gotta set his sights higher.
3.       Zach Ryder: Long Island Iced Z has proved time and again that he’s not someone to overlook.  And if the WWE Universe was wonder, YES he is still employed here. They’d be fools to fire him at this point, because we believe Ryder’s the guy on fire!
4.       Ken Shamrock: The tweet that shocked the world! TNA were no strangers to MMA fighters joining their ranks, but the WWE has always been weary of it because of one reason: Ken Shamrock. But when the most dangerous man on the planet comes asking for a job back, you can’t really say no. We just hope he leaves the roster intact this time.
5.       Kofi Kingston: He’s no stranger to championships, and we believe Kofi could pull this one off… if he dropped the delusional tag partner he’s running with.
1.       Tag Team Champions | Kofi Kingston & R-Truth: What a strange pairing. We were scratching our heads at this one too. In fact even after speaking to the two men, we still have no idea why they teamed up in the first place. Just another mystery in this new WWE Universe.
2.       Primo & Epico: Now how they thought they could get away with donning pink masks and saying: OLE. Was going to fool anyone, is anyone’s guess really. Dropping the bull and unmasking, the two showed the WWE Universe that they’re as good as they ever were. Probably won’t be long before tag belts make their way around their waists once more.
3.       Team Cobro: Oh come on now! You honestly didn’t think that these two would stay away from each other for long, now did you?
4.       Highfliers: The returning duo of Evan Bourne and Rey Mysterio wasn’t really something we wanted to see, but it’s certainly something than happened. Them actually teaming up? Well I guess we’ll just have to deal with it.
5.       Tons of Funk: How are two men of this size only ranked number five? Well if they stopped dancing long enough to focus on winning some matches, we might think more highly of them.
Pokemon / Morons

The Revolution Era - Week One: SMACKDOWN

SMACKDOWN Commentary Team: Colt Cabana and Alex Riley
SMACKDOWN General Manager: Shane McMahon

COLT: Welcome Smurfs and Smurfetts to the only place to be on a Friday night, Smackdown! I’m Colt Cabana, the newest member of the WWE Commentary team, learning the ropes from the hostest with the moistest… A-Ri himself. Alex Riley!
ALEX: I think you’re going to fit in just fine here, Cabana.
COLT: Just as long as you don’t ask about the cake we’ll be all good.
ALEX: What cake?
COLT: It’s a lie man! A lie!
ALEX: Okay then…

DAMIEN SANDOW: May I have your attention please? I am Damien Sandow, still your uncrowned world champion and this is a grave misuse of power by the McMahons! Alberto Del Rio stole my title opportunity right from under my nose, and I am demanding retribution!
JBL: Oh will you please shut up? I can’t take any more of your mouth. For months I had to sit at ring side and listen to you and everyone else in the WWE whine and complain about how touch life was in the locker room. Well try working with Michael Cole!
DAMIEN SANDOW: I don’t believe I have anything to say to the likes of you.
JBL: Well you better have something to say…

SHANE: HEY HEY HEY! I was going to wait until later in the night to reveal myself, but you have left me no choice! As New Smackdown General Manager… I’m making this our first match of the night!

COLT: What better way to start our Friday night off, than with a fight! A great win by JBL.
ALEX: By watching that match, you wouldn’t assume that JBL hadn’t been inside that ring in over three years.
COLT: Exactly. They must grow them talented in Texas.
ALEX: I think JBL’s from NY.
COLT: He’s billed from Texas.
ALEX: Huh.
COLT: Well anyways. Damien Sandow claims he’s the “Uncrowned World Champion.” What’s that say for our current World Champion, Alberto del Rio?
ALEX: It says, “Beware, I’m coming for you.”
COLT: Sounds like a line out of a cheesy MTV horror movie.
ALEX: Might have just stolen it from See No Evil 2.
COLT: Is it a requirement to watch WWE’s movies?
ALEX: Not that I’m aware of.
COLT: Oh good because I’m allergic to crappy acting.
ALEX: Ah so you don’t watch The Rock’s movies either?
COLT: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA That’s a good one!
ALEX: One of the major changes here in the WWE is the reinstatement of championships. Like the one Zach Ryder is holding, the Internet Championship.
COLT: Isn’t he like the only one who’s ever held it before?
ALEX: Maybe. But look at that thing, who’d want to hold it?

COLT: What a match! Kofi and Ryder certainly know how to entertain a crowd. I don’t think these people have sat down since it started.
ALEX: Both these competitors have a way with doing that to a crowd. It’s what makes them Superstars and we’re proud to have them here on Smackdown!
COLT: I’m seriously going to have to see about challenging Zach for that title.
ALEX: Now why would you want to do a thing like that?
COLT: Because everyone knows Worst Promo Ever is a better internet show than Long Island Iced Z!
ALEX: Well I can’t argue with you there. Now next we have our Divas, joining us here on Smackdown in what’s looking like another one on one competition.
COLT: The ladies are all over the WWE Universe lately.
ALEX: And no one’s complaining.
COLT: If they are, no one’s listening.

ALEX: I still can’t believe my eyes!
COLT: Nikki Bella off the top rope, through our announce table onto Kelly! I am speechless. Well not really but you get my point.
ALEX: These women sure do give it their all, in every match.
COLT: Some of the men in the back don’t work that hard!
ALEX: Kelly Kelly and Nikki are two of the top Divas today. Makes you wonder why both are getting such a big push.
COLT: Are you suggesting that someone in the back is pulling strings to get them on top?
ALEX: All I’m saying is that it’s a well-known fact that Kelly Kelly used to work for Paul Heyman, and her returning with him was a bit fishy.
COLT: Oh. See I thought you were going another route with that…
ALEX: I have too much respect for Nikki Bella. I’m a big Bella fan.
COLT: I think all of the WWE Universe is!
ALEX: Oh boy…
COLT: You know, I’ve never been a fan of Randy Orton.
ALEX: Does that have anything to do with the rivalry between him and Punk?
COLT: Nope. I just think he’s a pompous asshole.
ALEX: I don’t think you can say that on WWE TV.
COLT: Oops. What are they gonna do fire me?
ALEX: Well they did fire Michael Cole.
COLT: Because he’s a putz.

ALEX: Is it just me or is Orton a little, mad.
COLT: A little? The man looks like he’s about ready to foam at the mouth!
ALEX: Orton hasn’t been having a very good couple of months, that’s for sure.
COLT: And now the Big Show isn’t either.
ALEX: I don’t know Colt. This crowd seems to have a different reaction to the Viper…
COLT: Stranger and stranger. They were… cheering him. And WHAT WAS THAT?!
ALEX: That’s… That’s Del Rio! And what’s he got in his hand?
COLT: That’s a pipe! OMG we gotta get someone out here to help… Orton’s not moving.
ALEX: Medical staff is tending to Orton and this crowd… total silence in the arena.
COLT: I don’t even know what to think… Why would Del Rio do that?
ALEX: If he thought it would get Orton out of his hair, he’s probably just asking for trouble…
COLT: Let’s hope The World’s Strongest man can put our dear champ back in his place.
ALEX: I’m with you there.

COLT: I don’t even know what to think of all these twists tonight!
ALEX: The surprise attack by Impact’s Bobby Roode on not only Del Rio but turning his attention on Mark Henry too, was just… Why?
COLT: I’ve known Roode through Ring of Honor and the indies for years and even I can’t tell you what goes on in his head.
ALEX: Still despite that, Mark Henry was able to pull one over on our champion. Does this make Henry a contender for the World Heavyweight Championship, or is Del Rio just another notch on his wall?
COLT: Guess we’ll find out next week! From Alex Riley, and the merc with a mouth Colt Cabana, this has been SMACKDOWN. Goodnight!
Pokemon / Morons

The Revolution Era - Week One: IMPACT

Week One: IMPACT
IMPACT Commentary Team: Taz and Josh Mathews
IMPACT General Manager: Dixie Carter

DIXIE: Ladies and Gentleman of the Impact Zone. Welcome to WWE Impact! The WWE’s lovely president Mrs. Linda McMahon has kept us afloat and I am very happy to say that we will stay at way. Yes we lost some of our talent, but that does not mean we have lost our hearts. I am here to tell all of you, that we here and we will remain here!
TAZ: Strong words from our former owner now GM.
JOSH: She’s got her heart in the right place. And it’s so good to see you back in the WWE Taz. I know the Universe has missed you.
TAZ: Careful Josh, your fanboy is showing. But yeah, I’m glad to be back. Even if I’m banned from the ring.
JOSH: Well you can’t win them all. Speaking of, what’s that commotion about?
TAZ: I don’t believe it. That boy’s got some balls coming here tonight.
DIXIE: No! Absolutely not! I won’t have it!
AJ STYLES: You offered an open contract to anyone under TNA’s branding. I still have that championship, no one ever pinned me that means I’m still a TNA superstar.
DIXIE: Fine. You want back in… you have to prove yourself! Against… Whoever I pick, and that match is NEXT!
TAZ: AJ Styles gets to fight his way back into Impact. Wow, kid’s getting off easy.
JOSH: Or not! Taz that’s Ka$$ius Ohno, one of our NXT group. He’s been trained by CM Punk and William Regal. He’s not gonna be an easy opponent to overcome!
JOSH: Yup, I see how this job’s going to go…
(If AJ Loses he’s OFF of IMPACT)

TAZ: AJ fought his hardest, but Ka$$ius was just too much for him. Good riddance AJ. See ya never kid!
JOSH: You could take a little less pleasure from that you know.
TAZ: If you only knew what that kid put me and mine through. You’d understand.
JOSH: Well our GM’s going to be a happy woman now.
TAZ: The whole locker room will be.
JOSH: Speaking of locker room, we got ourselves a treat for everyone. A rematch from Total Divas featuring TNA’s own Beautiful People!
TAZ: It’s so good to have Angelina back where she belongs here on Impact. Go get ‘em girls!
JOSH: You know we aren’t supposed to play favorites right?
TAZ: Ah who cares.

TAZ: It’s so obvious the girls have a score to settle with The Funkadactyls. And Velvet Sky was taking no prisoners tonight!
JOSH: I don’t think I’ve seen two girls more upset since AJ Lee was dumped by Daniel Bryan.
TAZ: You don’t mess with the Knockouts Josh. The Funkadactyls learned that tonight. Speaking of Knockouts you don’t want to mess with!
JOSH: Oh… wow.
TAZ: Watch it Josh. She’s not Knockouts Champ for nothing.
JOSH: Natalya isn’t someone she can just brush off though. She’s the Dungeon Diva, trained by Stu Hart himself. She could walk out of here tonight as the number one contender for the Knockout Championship.
TAZ: Well I don’t know about all that.
JOSH: Sure you don’t.


JOSH: And Natalya proves once again to the WWE Universe that she is not a Diva to be overlooked.
TAZ: These ladies are something else Josh. But you were right. Natalya can run with the best of the Knockouts!
JOSH: Is that… That’s Sin Cara! Taz what’s he doing here?
TAZ: Who’s that?
JOSH: The man with the mask coming from the crowd… is he?
TAZ: He just attacked Bobby Roode! This kid got a death wish or is he just crazy?
JOSH: I have no idea Taz, last anyone saw of Sin Cara in the WWE he lost a match to Alberto Del Rio and broke his hand. Now this?
TAZ: If he wants to make a name for himself in Impact, I suggest not messing with this man.
JOSH: Too late Taz, just got word that Dixie’s just made this match official. Sin Cara will face Bobby Roode, NEXT!


TAZ: That last minute switch of Dixie’s making that a submission match, she’s trying to keep these guys on their toes.
JOSH: I don’t know about that, but it was certainly interesting to watch.
TAZ: Guessing Sin Casa or whatever isn’t normally a submission guy?
JOSH: He’s more of a high flyer. I have no idea what he was even thinking here.
TAZ: I got blood on my shirt. This Botch Cara kid gonna pay for my dry cleaning too?
JOSH: You dry clean your t-shirts?
TAZ: What you don’t?
JOSH: Um… no.
TAZ: Well well well what do we have here?
JOSH: Looks like our Impact Champion is heading to the ring.
TAZ: What’s this loud mouth want?
JOSH: Do you like anyone employed here?
TAZ: Not really. No.
SAMOA JOE: So it’s come to my attention that now that we’re under the WWE brand, everyone seems to think Joe here’s gone soft. Just because my buddy is the WWE Champion, doesn’t mean nothing to me. I am Samoa Joe. I’m the Impact World Champion. I am this company, and there is no one who can tell me different.
KEVIN STEEN: I sure could. You see I’ve been watching you Joe. Since Ring of Honor. And you know what? I’m not impressed. See there are plenty of guys in the back who out class you in every way, yet here you are standing tall with that championship belt around her waist.
SAMOA JOE: Who the hell do you think you are? Do you know who you’re talking to? I’m Samoa Joe, and Joe’s gonna kil…
KEVIN STEEN: Yeah yeah. “Joe’s gonna kill me”. Whatever. I’m Mr. Wrestling. I’m Kevin Steen. And you know what? I’m gonna kill you!


TAZ: What an entrance! What a match! What an IMPACT!
JOSH: Kevin Steen was making sure the WWE Universe knows just who he is and what he’s capable of. I’m sure this isn’t the last we’ve seen of him.
TAZ: Joe is certainly not happy. Here he’s been thinking he’s on top of the world and no one can touch him. Well Mr. Wrestling is here to knock Humpty Dumpty off the wall.
JOSH: And I don’t think any of Joe’s men are going to get in the way of that.
TAZ: HA! The Mafia are gone Josh, they ain’t coming back this time. Joe’s all on his own.
JOSH: You’ve got that right. Well folks that is all… wait what?!
TAZ: AJ Styles ladies and gentlemen just attacked Dixie Carter!
JOSH: I’m speechless right now… someone get out there and help her!
TAZ: What a way to end our first WWE Impact…
JOSH: ….

Pokemon / Morons

The Revolution Era - Week One: TOTAL DIVAS

TOTAL DIVAS Commentary Team: Jerry “The King” Lawler and Dixie Carter
TOTAL DIVAS General Manager: Sable

KING: Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the first ever episode of Total Divas! I’m Jerry “The King” Lawler, here with the ever lovely Dixie Carter and we will be your commentary team tonight! I’m telling ya Dixie I can’t WAIT to see what you’ve done with this show.
DIXIE: Well Jerry I can tell ya one thing. We’ll be introducing a GM to this show who is no stranger to the Divas division of the WWE.
KING: OMG! Is that who I think it is?! IT IS! PUPPIES! I mean... Sable!
DIXIE: Calm yourself Jerry. My goodness!
SABLE: Welcome everyone! It’s been so long since I’ve been a part of the WWE, and I can honestly say I am very excited about tonight’s show. As all of you know, we are a Divas based show, but that doesn’t mean that we’re going to turn a blind eye to our male Divas! In fact we got a fantastic main event featuring our very own King Diva himself our Television Champion, Jimmy Jacobs! Also we’ll have our first ever #1 Contenders match for that Television title tonight between the dancing diva, Faaaan-daaaan-gooo, and the ever handsome Jinder Mahal! But first how about we start out with a tag match!
KING: Now that’s how you start off a show. Take notes Vinnie, Sable’s about to outdo RAW.
DIXIE: She’s certainly trying her damnest. Especially with this match up. Now I’ve heard little miss AJ’s had a change of heart as of late.
KING: After Tamina dropped her and left her for dead, anyone would have.
DIXIE: Well let’s hope the former Divas champion can handle being teamed up with Miss Layla verses some of my Knockout girls.
KING: Who don’t get along any better I see.
DIXIE: Gail and Mickie have had very healthy rivialiries in the past. But I’m sure the two can put their differences aside to prove they’re a better tag team.
KING: WWE Divas vs Knockouts up next folks! You don’t want to miss this!
Layla & AJ Lee vs Mickie James & Gail Kim

DIXIE: I don’t think I’ve ever seen a match like this! My goodness these women cannot be counted out for anything.
KING: AJ has everything to prove to the WWE Universe and it was proven here. We have our spitfire that, that’s one thing we can be sure of.
DIXIE: I am truly impressed with AJ’s turnabout here. Working very well with Layla all through the match. But it just wasn’t enough to take out those Knockouts
KING: I’m sure Mickie’s just going to let Gail’s little slip up there slide too right?
DIXIE: Of course she will. Mickie knows it was an accident. No hard feelings for my Knockouts!
KING: This triple threat match coming up though is going to be one for the record books. We got one half of the Women’s Tag Team Champions in Nikki Bella, taking on a real force to be reckoned with, the current Divas Champion the newly returned Beth Phoenix, and the first Extreme Diva, Ms. Kelly Kelly!
DIXIE: It must have been a huge shock to everyone to have Beth Phoenix come back to win that Divas Championship.
KING: A real shocker. We all thought Natalya had it in the bag, and then there comes Beth Phoenix.
DIXIE: The Glamazon back with a vengeance. Let’s see if Nikki and Kelly Kelly can even compete with the Divas Champ.
Kelly Kelly vs Nikki Bella vs Beth Phoenix (NO DQ TRIPLE THREAT)

DIXIE: The talent among those three women is just… awe inspiring. I’m speechless!
KING: That face plant on the announce table! Nikki seems to think she has so much to prove. Beth was just the unfortunate victim.
DIXIE: Prove what thought? I mean she’s already a tag team champ. Does she want more gold?
KING: Could her eyes be set on the Divas Championship?
DIXIE: She proved she could be a contender for Beth. We’ll see where that goes in the coming weeks I’m sure.
KING: We got more tag team action up next. The Funkadactyls vs The Beautiful People!
DIXIE: When we put out the word we were looking for more women wrestlers, Angelina Love was the first to contact me. I was honestly happy as can be she wanted to come back.
KING: Well we’re certainly happy to have her. But do you think her and Velvet Sky can handle this tag thing? It’s been a while hasn’t it?
DIXIE: You know Jerry, some tag teams can be apart for years and come back together as if they were never apart. I believe Velvet and Angelina are that type of team. They’re like sisters.
KING: For their sake I hope you’re right.
The Beautiful People vs The Funkadactyls

KING: Seems as though time apart doesn’t make you a better tag team.
DIXIE: My poor girls! Someone get in there and check on Velvet!
KING: She sure took a beating to that head, as Angelina helps her from the ring… We’ll have an update later on tonight. In the meantime… we have our male diva division up next right?
DIXIE: What? Oh! Oh yes! It was an idea Jimmy Jacobs himself gave to me, and it’s a unique idea so we ran with it.
KING: Was it hard finding men in the locker room to fill up the spots?
DIXIE: Not at all. We mentioned that we were having a small division with its own title and I was shocked at who all showed up. I mean a few like these two men I asked personally. I mean one is basically a prince, and the other is a dancer. They were made for this division.
KING: Our first Television Champion number one contenders match is up next folks!
Fandango vs Jinder Mahal (#1 CONTENDER'S MATCH)

KING: And the ref is down before the bell even rang! Jinder Mahal showing the whole WWE Universe that he’s as dangerous now as he ever was.
DIXIE: To think this man was stuck with that horrible rock band.
KING: Hey now 3MB were a talented bunch!
DIXIE: Talented at what? Losing? Jinder is a winner as this match just showed.
KING: Jimmy better watch his back. Jinder Mahal is coming for him.
DIXIE: Jimmy’s got a slightly bigger problem to worry about right now. A problem in the form of Bradshaw.
KING: I was honestly shocked by this… I thought we’d seen the very last of this side of him. But it seems JBL still has his dark side.
DIXIE: Or a split personality. Speaking to JBL Monday night, he doesn’t even remember signing up for this bout.
KING: … stranger things have happened here in the WWE.
Jimmy Jacobs vs Bradshaw

DIXIE: That’s my boy! Jimmy Jacobs with a huge first title defense against the dark force that is Bradshaw. Jimmy’s proven to everyone here that he’s more than just a princess. He’s a force to contend with.
KING: No one doubted it for a minute I’m sure.
DIXIE: What an amazing show tonight. We’ve seen some amazing stuff, makes me wonder what could be in store in the future.
KING: I guess we shall see! From Dixie Carter and myself, Jerry “The King” Lawler, Good night everyone!