Pokemon / Morons

The Revolution Era - Week One: TOTAL DIVAS

TOTAL DIVAS Commentary Team: Jerry “The King” Lawler and Dixie Carter
TOTAL DIVAS General Manager: Sable

KING: Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the first ever episode of Total Divas! I’m Jerry “The King” Lawler, here with the ever lovely Dixie Carter and we will be your commentary team tonight! I’m telling ya Dixie I can’t WAIT to see what you’ve done with this show.
DIXIE: Well Jerry I can tell ya one thing. We’ll be introducing a GM to this show who is no stranger to the Divas division of the WWE.
KING: OMG! Is that who I think it is?! IT IS! PUPPIES! I mean... Sable!
DIXIE: Calm yourself Jerry. My goodness!
SABLE: Welcome everyone! It’s been so long since I’ve been a part of the WWE, and I can honestly say I am very excited about tonight’s show. As all of you know, we are a Divas based show, but that doesn’t mean that we’re going to turn a blind eye to our male Divas! In fact we got a fantastic main event featuring our very own King Diva himself our Television Champion, Jimmy Jacobs! Also we’ll have our first ever #1 Contenders match for that Television title tonight between the dancing diva, Faaaan-daaaan-gooo, and the ever handsome Jinder Mahal! But first how about we start out with a tag match!
KING: Now that’s how you start off a show. Take notes Vinnie, Sable’s about to outdo RAW.
DIXIE: She’s certainly trying her damnest. Especially with this match up. Now I’ve heard little miss AJ’s had a change of heart as of late.
KING: After Tamina dropped her and left her for dead, anyone would have.
DIXIE: Well let’s hope the former Divas champion can handle being teamed up with Miss Layla verses some of my Knockout girls.
KING: Who don’t get along any better I see.
DIXIE: Gail and Mickie have had very healthy rivialiries in the past. But I’m sure the two can put their differences aside to prove they’re a better tag team.
KING: WWE Divas vs Knockouts up next folks! You don’t want to miss this!
Layla & AJ Lee vs Mickie James & Gail Kim

DIXIE: I don’t think I’ve ever seen a match like this! My goodness these women cannot be counted out for anything.
KING: AJ has everything to prove to the WWE Universe and it was proven here. We have our spitfire that, that’s one thing we can be sure of.
DIXIE: I am truly impressed with AJ’s turnabout here. Working very well with Layla all through the match. But it just wasn’t enough to take out those Knockouts
KING: I’m sure Mickie’s just going to let Gail’s little slip up there slide too right?
DIXIE: Of course she will. Mickie knows it was an accident. No hard feelings for my Knockouts!
KING: This triple threat match coming up though is going to be one for the record books. We got one half of the Women’s Tag Team Champions in Nikki Bella, taking on a real force to be reckoned with, the current Divas Champion the newly returned Beth Phoenix, and the first Extreme Diva, Ms. Kelly Kelly!
DIXIE: It must have been a huge shock to everyone to have Beth Phoenix come back to win that Divas Championship.
KING: A real shocker. We all thought Natalya had it in the bag, and then there comes Beth Phoenix.
DIXIE: The Glamazon back with a vengeance. Let’s see if Nikki and Kelly Kelly can even compete with the Divas Champ.
Kelly Kelly vs Nikki Bella vs Beth Phoenix (NO DQ TRIPLE THREAT)

DIXIE: The talent among those three women is just… awe inspiring. I’m speechless!
KING: That face plant on the announce table! Nikki seems to think she has so much to prove. Beth was just the unfortunate victim.
DIXIE: Prove what thought? I mean she’s already a tag team champ. Does she want more gold?
KING: Could her eyes be set on the Divas Championship?
DIXIE: She proved she could be a contender for Beth. We’ll see where that goes in the coming weeks I’m sure.
KING: We got more tag team action up next. The Funkadactyls vs The Beautiful People!
DIXIE: When we put out the word we were looking for more women wrestlers, Angelina Love was the first to contact me. I was honestly happy as can be she wanted to come back.
KING: Well we’re certainly happy to have her. But do you think her and Velvet Sky can handle this tag thing? It’s been a while hasn’t it?
DIXIE: You know Jerry, some tag teams can be apart for years and come back together as if they were never apart. I believe Velvet and Angelina are that type of team. They’re like sisters.
KING: For their sake I hope you’re right.
The Beautiful People vs The Funkadactyls

KING: Seems as though time apart doesn’t make you a better tag team.
DIXIE: My poor girls! Someone get in there and check on Velvet!
KING: She sure took a beating to that head, as Angelina helps her from the ring… We’ll have an update later on tonight. In the meantime… we have our male diva division up next right?
DIXIE: What? Oh! Oh yes! It was an idea Jimmy Jacobs himself gave to me, and it’s a unique idea so we ran with it.
KING: Was it hard finding men in the locker room to fill up the spots?
DIXIE: Not at all. We mentioned that we were having a small division with its own title and I was shocked at who all showed up. I mean a few like these two men I asked personally. I mean one is basically a prince, and the other is a dancer. They were made for this division.
KING: Our first Television Champion number one contenders match is up next folks!
Fandango vs Jinder Mahal (#1 CONTENDER'S MATCH)

KING: And the ref is down before the bell even rang! Jinder Mahal showing the whole WWE Universe that he’s as dangerous now as he ever was.
DIXIE: To think this man was stuck with that horrible rock band.
KING: Hey now 3MB were a talented bunch!
DIXIE: Talented at what? Losing? Jinder is a winner as this match just showed.
KING: Jimmy better watch his back. Jinder Mahal is coming for him.
DIXIE: Jimmy’s got a slightly bigger problem to worry about right now. A problem in the form of Bradshaw.
KING: I was honestly shocked by this… I thought we’d seen the very last of this side of him. But it seems JBL still has his dark side.
DIXIE: Or a split personality. Speaking to JBL Monday night, he doesn’t even remember signing up for this bout.
KING: … stranger things have happened here in the WWE.
Jimmy Jacobs vs Bradshaw

DIXIE: That’s my boy! Jimmy Jacobs with a huge first title defense against the dark force that is Bradshaw. Jimmy’s proven to everyone here that he’s more than just a princess. He’s a force to contend with.
KING: No one doubted it for a minute I’m sure.
DIXIE: What an amazing show tonight. We’ve seen some amazing stuff, makes me wonder what could be in store in the future.
KING: I guess we shall see! From Dixie Carter and myself, Jerry “The King” Lawler, Good night everyone!