Pokemon / Morons

The Revolution Era - Week One: IMPACT

Week One: IMPACT
IMPACT Commentary Team: Taz and Josh Mathews
IMPACT General Manager: Dixie Carter

DIXIE: Ladies and Gentleman of the Impact Zone. Welcome to WWE Impact! The WWE’s lovely president Mrs. Linda McMahon has kept us afloat and I am very happy to say that we will stay at way. Yes we lost some of our talent, but that does not mean we have lost our hearts. I am here to tell all of you, that we here and we will remain here!
TAZ: Strong words from our former owner now GM.
JOSH: She’s got her heart in the right place. And it’s so good to see you back in the WWE Taz. I know the Universe has missed you.
TAZ: Careful Josh, your fanboy is showing. But yeah, I’m glad to be back. Even if I’m banned from the ring.
JOSH: Well you can’t win them all. Speaking of, what’s that commotion about?
TAZ: I don’t believe it. That boy’s got some balls coming here tonight.
DIXIE: No! Absolutely not! I won’t have it!
AJ STYLES: You offered an open contract to anyone under TNA’s branding. I still have that championship, no one ever pinned me that means I’m still a TNA superstar.
DIXIE: Fine. You want back in… you have to prove yourself! Against… Whoever I pick, and that match is NEXT!
TAZ: AJ Styles gets to fight his way back into Impact. Wow, kid’s getting off easy.
JOSH: Or not! Taz that’s Ka$$ius Ohno, one of our NXT group. He’s been trained by CM Punk and William Regal. He’s not gonna be an easy opponent to overcome!
TAZ: Good. GO GET HIM OHNO!
JOSH: Yup, I see how this job’s going to go…
AJ STYLES vs KA$$IUS OHNO
(If AJ Loses he’s OFF of IMPACT)

TAZ: AJ fought his hardest, but Ka$$ius was just too much for him. Good riddance AJ. See ya never kid!
JOSH: You could take a little less pleasure from that you know.
TAZ: If you only knew what that kid put me and mine through. You’d understand.
JOSH: Well our GM’s going to be a happy woman now.
TAZ: The whole locker room will be.
JOSH: Speaking of locker room, we got ourselves a treat for everyone. A rematch from Total Divas featuring TNA’s own Beautiful People!
TAZ: It’s so good to have Angelina back where she belongs here on Impact. Go get ‘em girls!
JOSH: You know we aren’t supposed to play favorites right?
TAZ: Ah who cares.
THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE vs THE FUNKADACTYLS


TAZ: It’s so obvious the girls have a score to settle with The Funkadactyls. And Velvet Sky was taking no prisoners tonight!
JOSH: I don’t think I’ve seen two girls more upset since AJ Lee was dumped by Daniel Bryan.
TAZ: You don’t mess with the Knockouts Josh. The Funkadactyls learned that tonight. Speaking of Knockouts you don’t want to mess with!
JOSH: Oh… wow.
TAZ: Watch it Josh. She’s not Knockouts Champ for nothing.
JOSH: Natalya isn’t someone she can just brush off though. She’s the Dungeon Diva, trained by Stu Hart himself. She could walk out of here tonight as the number one contender for the Knockout Championship.
TAZ: Well I don’t know about all that.
JOSH: Sure you don’t.

NATALYA vs ODB


JOSH: And Natalya proves once again to the WWE Universe that she is not a Diva to be overlooked.
TAZ: These ladies are something else Josh. But you were right. Natalya can run with the best of the Knockouts!
JOSH: Is that… That’s Sin Cara! Taz what’s he doing here?
TAZ: Who’s that?
JOSH: The man with the mask coming from the crowd… is he?
TAZ: He just attacked Bobby Roode! This kid got a death wish or is he just crazy?
JOSH: I have no idea Taz, last anyone saw of Sin Cara in the WWE he lost a match to Alberto Del Rio and broke his hand. Now this?
TAZ: If he wants to make a name for himself in Impact, I suggest not messing with this man.
JOSH: Too late Taz, just got word that Dixie’s just made this match official. Sin Cara will face Bobby Roode, NEXT!

SIN CARA vs BOBBY ROODE
(SUBMISSION MATCH)


TAZ: That last minute switch of Dixie’s making that a submission match, she’s trying to keep these guys on their toes.
JOSH: I don’t know about that, but it was certainly interesting to watch.
TAZ: Guessing Sin Casa or whatever isn’t normally a submission guy?
JOSH: He’s more of a high flyer. I have no idea what he was even thinking here.
TAZ: I got blood on my shirt. This Botch Cara kid gonna pay for my dry cleaning too?
JOSH: You dry clean your t-shirts?
TAZ: What you don’t?
JOSH: Um… no.
TAZ: Well well well what do we have here?
JOSH: Looks like our Impact Champion is heading to the ring.
TAZ: What’s this loud mouth want?
JOSH: Do you like anyone employed here?
TAZ: Not really. No.
SAMOA JOE: So it’s come to my attention that now that we’re under the WWE brand, everyone seems to think Joe here’s gone soft. Just because my buddy is the WWE Champion, doesn’t mean nothing to me. I am Samoa Joe. I’m the Impact World Champion. I am this company, and there is no one who can tell me different.
KEVIN STEEN: I sure could. You see I’ve been watching you Joe. Since Ring of Honor. And you know what? I’m not impressed. See there are plenty of guys in the back who out class you in every way, yet here you are standing tall with that championship belt around her waist.
SAMOA JOE: Who the hell do you think you are? Do you know who you’re talking to? I’m Samoa Joe, and Joe’s gonna kil…
KEVIN STEEN: Yeah yeah. “Joe’s gonna kill me”. Whatever. I’m Mr. Wrestling. I’m Kevin Steen. And you know what? I’m gonna kill you!

SAMOA JOE vs KEVIN STEEN


TAZ: What an entrance! What a match! What an IMPACT!
JOSH: Kevin Steen was making sure the WWE Universe knows just who he is and what he’s capable of. I’m sure this isn’t the last we’ve seen of him.
TAZ: Joe is certainly not happy. Here he’s been thinking he’s on top of the world and no one can touch him. Well Mr. Wrestling is here to knock Humpty Dumpty off the wall.
JOSH: And I don’t think any of Joe’s men are going to get in the way of that.
TAZ: HA! The Mafia are gone Josh, they ain’t coming back this time. Joe’s all on his own.
JOSH: You’ve got that right. Well folks that is all… wait what?!
TAZ: AJ Styles ladies and gentlemen just attacked Dixie Carter!
JOSH: I’m speechless right now… someone get out there and help her!
TAZ: What a way to end our first WWE Impact…
JOSH: ….