Pokemon / Morons

The Revolution Era - Week One: SMACKDOWN

Week One: SMACKDOWN
SMACKDOWN Commentary Team: Colt Cabana and Alex Riley
SMACKDOWN General Manager: Shane McMahon

COLT: Welcome Smurfs and Smurfetts to the only place to be on a Friday night, Smackdown! I’m Colt Cabana, the newest member of the WWE Commentary team, learning the ropes from the hostest with the moistest… A-Ri himself. Alex Riley!
ALEX: I think you’re going to fit in just fine here, Cabana.
COLT: Just as long as you don’t ask about the cake we’ll be all good.
ALEX: What cake?
COLT: It’s a lie man! A lie!
ALEX: Okay then…

DAMIEN SANDOW: May I have your attention please? I am Damien Sandow, still your uncrowned world champion and this is a grave misuse of power by the McMahons! Alberto Del Rio stole my title opportunity right from under my nose, and I am demanding retribution!
JBL: Oh will you please shut up? I can’t take any more of your mouth. For months I had to sit at ring side and listen to you and everyone else in the WWE whine and complain about how touch life was in the locker room. Well try working with Michael Cole!
DAMIEN SANDOW: I don’t believe I have anything to say to the likes of you.
JBL: Well you better have something to say…

SHANE: HEY HEY HEY! I was going to wait until later in the night to reveal myself, but you have left me no choice! As New Smackdown General Manager… I’m making this our first match of the night!
JBL vs DANIEN SANDOW

COLT: What better way to start our Friday night off, than with a fight! A great win by JBL.
ALEX: By watching that match, you wouldn’t assume that JBL hadn’t been inside that ring in over three years.
COLT: Exactly. They must grow them talented in Texas.
ALEX: I think JBL’s from NY.
COLT: He’s billed from Texas.
ALEX: Huh.
COLT: Well anyways. Damien Sandow claims he’s the “Uncrowned World Champion.” What’s that say for our current World Champion, Alberto del Rio?
ALEX: It says, “Beware, I’m coming for you.”
COLT: Sounds like a line out of a cheesy MTV horror movie.
ALEX: Might have just stolen it from See No Evil 2.
COLT: Is it a requirement to watch WWE’s movies?
ALEX: Not that I’m aware of.
COLT: Oh good because I’m allergic to crappy acting.
ALEX: Ah so you don’t watch The Rock’s movies either?
COLT: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA That’s a good one!
ALEX: One of the major changes here in the WWE is the reinstatement of championships. Like the one Zach Ryder is holding, the Internet Championship.
COLT: Isn’t he like the only one who’s ever held it before?
ALEX: Maybe. But look at that thing, who’d want to hold it?
COLT: Me.
KOFI KINGSTON vs ZACH RYDER

COLT: What a match! Kofi and Ryder certainly know how to entertain a crowd. I don’t think these people have sat down since it started.
ALEX: Both these competitors have a way with doing that to a crowd. It’s what makes them Superstars and we’re proud to have them here on Smackdown!
COLT: I’m seriously going to have to see about challenging Zach for that title.
ALEX: Now why would you want to do a thing like that?
COLT: Because everyone knows Worst Promo Ever is a better internet show than Long Island Iced Z!
ALEX: Well I can’t argue with you there. Now next we have our Divas, joining us here on Smackdown in what’s looking like another one on one competition.
COLT: The ladies are all over the WWE Universe lately.
ALEX: And no one’s complaining.
COLT: If they are, no one’s listening.
NIKKI BELLA vs KELLY KELLY

ALEX: I still can’t believe my eyes!
COLT: Nikki Bella off the top rope, through our announce table onto Kelly! I am speechless. Well not really but you get my point.
ALEX: These women sure do give it their all, in every match.
COLT: Some of the men in the back don’t work that hard!
ALEX: Kelly Kelly and Nikki are two of the top Divas today. Makes you wonder why both are getting such a big push.
COLT: Are you suggesting that someone in the back is pulling strings to get them on top?
ALEX: All I’m saying is that it’s a well-known fact that Kelly Kelly used to work for Paul Heyman, and her returning with him was a bit fishy.
COLT: Oh. See I thought you were going another route with that…
ALEX: I have too much respect for Nikki Bella. I’m a big Bella fan.
COLT: I think all of the WWE Universe is!
ALEX: Oh boy…
COLT: You know, I’ve never been a fan of Randy Orton.
ALEX: Does that have anything to do with the rivalry between him and Punk?
COLT: Nope. I just think he’s a pompous asshole.
ALEX: I don’t think you can say that on WWE TV.
COLT: Oops. What are they gonna do fire me?
ALEX: Well they did fire Michael Cole.
COLT: Because he’s a putz.
THE BIG SHOW vs RANDY ORTON

ALEX: Is it just me or is Orton a little, mad.
COLT: A little? The man looks like he’s about ready to foam at the mouth!
ALEX: Orton hasn’t been having a very good couple of months, that’s for sure.
COLT: And now the Big Show isn’t either.
ALEX: I don’t know Colt. This crowd seems to have a different reaction to the Viper…
COLT: Stranger and stranger. They were… cheering him. And WHAT WAS THAT?!
ALEX: That’s… That’s Del Rio! And what’s he got in his hand?
COLT: That’s a pipe! OMG we gotta get someone out here to help… Orton’s not moving.
ALEX: Medical staff is tending to Orton and this crowd… total silence in the arena.
COLT: I don’t even know what to think… Why would Del Rio do that?
ALEX: If he thought it would get Orton out of his hair, he’s probably just asking for trouble…
COLT: Let’s hope The World’s Strongest man can put our dear champ back in his place.
ALEX: I’m with you there.
ALBERTO DEL RIO vs MARK HENRY

COLT: I don’t even know what to think of all these twists tonight!
ALEX: The surprise attack by Impact’s Bobby Roode on not only Del Rio but turning his attention on Mark Henry too, was just… Why?
COLT: I’ve known Roode through Ring of Honor and the indies for years and even I can’t tell you what goes on in his head.
ALEX: Still despite that, Mark Henry was able to pull one over on our champion. Does this make Henry a contender for the World Heavyweight Championship, or is Del Rio just another notch on his wall?
COLT: Guess we’ll find out next week! From Alex Riley, and the merc with a mouth Colt Cabana, this has been SMACKDOWN. Goodnight!