Pokemon / Morons

The Revolution Era - WEEK TWO RANKINGS & NEWS

WEEK TWO: RANKINGS & NEWS
BREAKING NEWS: The question on everyone’s mind this week: Why Cena Why? With the shocking finale to Monday Night Raw, John Cena turned his back on the WWE Universe, but to what end? What is the leader of the Cenation thinking? MORE TO COME AS WE GET IT…
Monday Night RAW Rankings
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP
1.       WWE Champion | CM Punk: Still holding it strong at number one this week is our WWE Champion and BEST IN THE WORLD… CM Punk. For, of course, obvious reasons.
2.       Daniel Bryan: Another win for The American Dragon keeps him secure in his place at number two. Honorable as always, DBry might have a serious issue to contend with in the form of John Cena… If Cena hasn’t left the WWE for good!
3.       Sheamus: The Celtic Warrior informed us this week that you shouldn’t count him out just yet. So we certainly won’t!
4.       Stone Cold: Rumors are still a buzz backstage that the rattlesnake is looming in the shadows. We’re all ready for his return, but is our WWE Champion?
5.       Christ Jericho: Drunk tweeting about a return as all of us here rolling our eyes. Y2J should be Y2Done, yet the former wrestler turned rock star seems to think a return to the ring is imminent. We think you should hang up your tights Chrissy Poo and stick to being the best at what you do, somewhere else.
6.       SAY WHAT?!: Sources backstage tell us The Best in the World has been chatting it up with one of his contenders… But they couldn’t identify which. Curious.
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP
1.       Christian: Topping our list this week isn’t the Champion himself, but our very own Captain Charisma! Shocking everyone in the back and everyone at ringside this Monday Night by brutally attacking The Miz. Christian’s made sure no one has forgotten that he’s as unpredictable as ever. And we kinda like it. 
2.       Intercontinental Champion | The Miz: With a double loss on Monday Night Raw we’re hard pressed to actually keep The Miz at the top of this list. I mean he couldn’t beat The New Age Outlaws, and Cody Rhodes mopped the floor with him. How are you even still champion?
3.       Cody Rhodes: With a win over The Miz this Monday, Cody should have moved up the list. However he holds strong at number 3. If the video game geek wants a title shot, he’s gotta start thinking bigger. We’re thinking some pain paint and a bright body suit, yes? No. Oh well, can’t say we didn’t try.
4.       Justin Gabriel: Missing from RAW this week was our South African dare wolf, but his voice was still heard. Justin was just too busy jumping out of an airplane into a pool of sharks… or something equally crazy we’re sure.
5.       Road Dogg: Remaining at the bottom of the list, the D-O-Double G still hangs on to hopes of claiming that single title reign. But now we hear rumors that Billy Gunn might just be gunning for it as well. Could we end up seeing a Road Dogg vs Billy Gunn match up soon?
TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
1.       Tag Team Champions | New Age Outlaws: Remaining at number one this week with a big win over The Show Stoppers, is our tag team champs. The Outlaws are on fire it seems, and though the tag teams in the back are shifting, the duo doesn’t seem phased. Someone might want to give them a clue.
2.       The Show Stoppers: You are reading that right. Keeping strong at number two is the only duo in the WWE that make you want to pull your hair out, and throw your panties at the ring. Ziggler and The Miz aren’t letting their loss on RAW put a damper on thing. Trashing The Outlaws locker room, and making sure people know they aren’t going anywhere. Good, we’d cry if they did.
3.       The Real Americans: Someone please tell us that Brock Lesnar didn’t attack Cena before his match with Daniel Bryan? Coming back with a mission, Swagger sicked the Beast on the leader of the Cenation resulting in his loss to Daniel Bryan. But was Lesnar and Swagger’s plan to remove Cena from the WWE? Or were they just looking to shake things up?
4.       Legacy: Haven’t heard anything in the back yet from Ted Dibiase, but we’re sure the duo isn’t going to remain quiet for long.  I mean just look at their fathers, they weren’t born from a silent bunch.
5.       Switchblade Conspiracy: A small conversation in a dark hallway that we just happened to overhear seems to be hinting at two indie stars teaming up to take the tag team division by storm. What awaits the WWE when Sami Callihan reforms his deadly tag team with The Filth Parade’s leader Corey Graves? We’re shaking in our boots waiting to find out.
SAY WHAT?!: Another week, another message from The Shield. This time when the screen went back, the sounds of howls could be heard before the mysterious words appeared. This week the words read out: THE HOUNDS ARE COMING. If anyone wants, we still have room in our getaway van.

Total Divas Rankings
TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
1.       Television Champion | Jimmy Jacobs: Jimmy sat this week out, but that doesn’t mean he was missing. Jimmy was seen coming to the aid of Fandango after the brutal attack at the hands of X-Pac. The glare the Zombie Princess sent the returning degenerate’s way chilled our blood, that’s for sure.
2.       Bradshaw: He took the victory this week from Jinder Mahal, and showed the word that he wasn’t going be over looked. Well Bradshaw we aren’t overlooking you. In fact we’re still confused on who you even are.
3.       Jinder Mahal: Losing to the monster that is Bradshaw is nothing to be ashamed of, but Jinder seemed to have taken it hard. Trashing his locker room and screaming at us as he slammed the locker room door in our faces. We didn’t even know swinging doors could slam. Who knew.
4.       X-Pac: Sticking strong at number four is the degenerate who has everyone questioning the WWE’s sanity. Putting Fandango down with a lead pipe wasn’t necessary. But the man sure seemed to think it was.
5.       Tyson Kidd: Who’s that kid? Why it’s Mr. Natalya, oh we mean Tyson Kidd! With Fandango’s condition still unknown, Tyson Kidd takes the Dancing Divas spot at number five.
SAY WHAT?!: Sources inform us that Fandango could have possibly suffered a concussion after the attack by X-Pac. But what is still unknown is if Fandango will be on next week for Total Divas. There is also rumors of a shift about to happen in the Male Divas Division. Who’s coming? Who’s going? Only Dixie Carter knows, and she’s not telling us.
DIVAS TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
RANKING REMAIN THE SAME!

DIVAS CHAMPIONSHIP
RANKING REMAIN THE SAME!

SAY WHAT?!: Don’t worry Glamazon fans, Beth Phoenix was not injured this past week. In fact the only thing wounded on her is her pride. And those rumors we keep hearing are still reporting about a possible return to action by Trish Stratus, but as of this writing we’re not keeping our hopes up.

Impact Rankings
IMPACT WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
RANKING REMAIN THE SAME!

IMPACT X DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
1.       Impact X Division Champion | Manik: Joining commentary this week, Manik let himself be heard, and we fell in love with his brand of humor. I saw we give him a mic more often. We’d love to see more of what goes on behind that mask.
2.       Chris Sabin: Remaining at number two this week is Chris Sabin. It’s looking like he’s gunning for his title back, and we just hope Manik’s ready for him this time around.
3.       Alex Shelley: What a way to make a comeback! Sting was left battered after Alex Shelley’s return to action this week. But what stands in his way now is a former friend and an unstoppable force. Can Shelley overcome the odds and claim the X Division Championship for himself?
4.       Roderick Strong: Trying to make a name for himself was one thing, but putting your body where your mouth is was another. Battling the likes of Goldburg and Matt Hardy, Strong proved that he’s got the guts to stand up strong in the X Division. We just hope it didn’t go to his ego…
5.       Christopher Daniels: Speaking of ego! With Austin Aries punted out of the top five, Christopher Daniels steps up to take his place. Never much for solo action, it’s a dawning of a new day, and this Bad Influence can influence us any day!

Friday Night Smackdown Rankings
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
RANKING REMAIN THE SAME!

UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP
RANKING REMAIN THE SAME!

TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
RANKING REMAIN THE SAME!

SAY WHAT?!: We have just learned that Mick Foley has been assigned to a mental health facility. We honestly think that this not have come at a better time. After that confusing “triple threat match” between two of Mick Foley’s own personalities and Alberto Del Rio, we were wondering if maybe WE were the crazy ones. It’s a relief to find out that it IS actually Mick who’s crazy and not us.