RAW General Manager: Vince McMahon
ALEX: Welcome to WWE Universe folks, and Welcome to Monday Night RAW. I’m your hostest with the moistest, Alex Riley, here with my sidekicks of the evening Hall of Famer Jerry “The King” Lawler, and the cowboy hat wearing millionaire, JBL.
JBL: It is good to be here under the rightful control of our CEO!
KING: I can actually admit to being happy to have old Vinnie Mac back here on RAW.
ALEX: Vinnie Mac. I like that! Now how about we get on with our jam packed show?
JBL: First up we got Jimmy Uso who’s without his brother tonight in a strange twist of fate,
ALEX: Not too strange. I talked to Jimmy earlier tonight and it seems like he’s wanting to branch out into singles competition.
JBL: Well I guess we’ll find out how well he does here tonight. He’s about to take on one of our newest stars, Sami Callihan. I don’t even know who this nutjob is.
ALEX: Well why don’t I tell you a little about him you Texas phoney. Sami Callihan happens to be coming to us from CZW. A crazy indie screen known for its Extreme matches. It’s actually where Dean Ambrose came from too.
KING: Isn’t Ambrose and Callihan good friends?
ALEX: They were once; guess we’ll see if friendship is stronger than Championships.
JIMMY USO vs SAMI CALLIHAN
ALEX: What a win! Sami Callihan, ladies and gentlemen, could be a force to be reckoned with here in the WWE just you wait and see.
JBL: Now I know where I’ve seen that kid before. Our failed NXT kids. Never got out of that locker room. Guess I know why. Kid’s a beast!
KING: He sure does look like he’s got a chip on that shoulder of his. Wonder if it’s the pressure from having someone like Dean Ambrose as a friend.
ALEX: Whatever the case may be we got our tag division up next here. It’s been revamped after the return of our CEO, and we’re seeing a lot of our old school teams coming back together to get on the actions. Including Ziggler and Swagger!
KING: I told everyone Swagger wouldn’t put up with Cesaro and Colter for long.
JBL: Colter is too good for the likes of Swagger anyways.
ALEX: Yeah well it looks like our unmasked friends are back as well.
JBL: Now these two I knew were phoneys the moment I laid eyes on them! Colter did us a favor in exposing them.
KING: And they did us one by putting Colter out of his misery.
ALEX: Can we get on with the show guys, or do I need to separate you two… again?
JBL: Hey! What are those two doing here anyways? This is RAW not Smackdown.
ALEX: *sigh* I guess they wanna see what they can do against the Show Off and the All American American.
DOLPH ZIGGLER & JACK SWAGGER vs EPICO & PRIMO
ALEX: See now that is such a disappointing lost for Ziggler. Maybe it’s time he finds a tag partner with as much talent as he does. I’m just putting it out there, but I am still fit to compete. Call me Zigs. We’ll rock that tag team biz.
JBL: Thought you and the Miz were tag partners?
ALEX: Ancient history J. Way ancient.
JBL: I don’t even know what to think of all this tag team action tonight. We opened the night with a member of a tag team in singles action, and now his brother is going to compete without him in a tag team match. And will you look at that! This has to be a first. Drew McIntyre’s here without the other clowns in 3MB. Is The Chosen One back?
ALEX: If he is, I pity whoever gets in his way. And will you look at that? Isn’t that another one of our NXT guys? Corey Graves… Now that is a shocker.
JBL: Certainly wouldn’t ever picture those two even getting along, let alone tagging together.
ALEX: You know Renee stopped Jey a little while ago and asked about this Uso split. Said he was done carrying Jimmy’s weight around and was going to find himself a better partner than his own brother.
KING: I think he mentioned a surprise… and BOY OH BOY is this a surprise!
ALEX: A vampire?!
JBL: He really pulled out a shocker here folks. That’s none other than Gangrel! That’s no ordinary vampire A-Ri. That’s the man that gave us Christian and Edge.
KING: Yes he did… Man what is Jey even thinking…
ALEX: Speaking of what people are thinking… Drew and Graves? Who ever saw that team coming? You couldn’t have two more different guys.
KING: No you really can’t. But they both have one thing in common.
ALEX: And what’s that?
JEY USO & GANGREL vs COREY GRAVES & DREW MCINTYRE
ALEX: Gangrel… wow. I did not expect that at all. History right there folks. He’s right out of that Attitude Era everyone’s always talking about and I got to witness his return tonight.
KING: Jey was not fooling around with this choice for partner, that’s for sure.
JBL: So with this, is that the end of the Usos?
ALEX: Guess only time will tell. Now didn’t you two mention that Gangrel brought us Christian? Well speak of the devil and he shall appear… or something.
JBL: Captain Charisma himself! We haven’t seen him since Randy Orton took him out last year, but he’s looking better than ever.
KING: And pumped up to be back. Listen to this crowd! I don’t think anyone’s gotten that big of a reaction all night long!
ALEX: Justin doesn’t stand a chance against Christian. Kid should just cut his losses and head home.
CHRISTIAN vs JUSTIN GABRIEL
JBL: I just can’t believe what we just watched. Christian gave it his all and Justin bleed for it, but it just wasn’t enough.
ALEX: Is Gabriel even human? How did he pull this one out?!
KING: Nice show of respect there by Justin but… Oh!
ALEX: Christian doesn’t want anything to do with that.
JBL: I don’t think we’ve heard the end of this one. Christian does not look happy.
ALEX: Happy or not. It’s time for our main event!
KING: It’s Sheamus’s big return and it’s not something to overlook. He’s been out for months thanks to that brutal Money in the Bank match.
ALEX: That’s right King, and if you folks at home thought that last match was brutal, a warning for this next one. A dog fight’s about to break loose.
JBL: No one ever knows what either of these two are going to do. Add a cage and pit them against each other? You’re just asking for trouble.
KING: This just proves that Vince McMahon is back with a vengeance. These are the types of matches you’d expect from our stone cold CEO. Giving the people exactly what they want. You’d never get this with The Authority.
ALEX: The facts remain; all bets are off with this one folks. Can Daniel Bryan take out Sheamus? Or will the returning Sheamus finally be the one to cut down DBry’s ego?
DANIEL BRYAN vs SHEAMUS (CAGE MATCH)
KING: That was something I never thought I’d see coming. Daniel Bryan managed to take out the Celtic Warrior.
JBL: Sheamus still hasn’t gotten up guys. Did he return too soon?
ALEX: There’s only one way to find out… Tune in next week folks. It’s bound to be a "slobberknocker" for sure. I’m Alex Riley for the Monday Night RAW team. Goodnight folks!