Pokemon / Morons

The Revolution Era - Week Two: IMPACT

Week Two: IMPACT
IMPACT Commentary Team: Taz and Josh Mathews
IMPACT General Manager: Dixie Carter Bully Ray

TAZ: Welcome back to the Impact Zone!
JOSH: Dixie Carter is shaken up tonight after the unbelievable actions of X-Pac last night on Total Divas.
TAZ: Never trusted that little puke.
JOSH: Well I just hope we get some news tonight on the wellbeing of Fandango.
TAZ: Well we can’t wait around all night for that. So tonight we have a SPECIAL GM stepping in to take charge!
JOSH: I do not like the sound of that…
TAZ: TNA alumni, and former Impact Heavyweight Champion, and my best friend: Bully Ray!
JOSH: Yup don’t like this at all…

BULLY RAY: Seeing as our Mrs. Carter is too worried about the precious Dancing Diva to pay any mind to her own show, I’ve stepped in to take control. First off, AJ Style is here by BANNED from the Impact Zone. Now that that’s taken care of. Our first match tonight is gonna be a test match. You see we got a lot of new snot noses brats running around in the back and I’m not too kind on sharing my spot with them. So tonight, three of them are going to go head to head in this ring, the winner might get himself a title shot.
ALEX SHELLEY: You know Bully you talk an awful lot of BS.
BULLY RAY: I’d watch your tone with me boy.
ALEX SHELLEY: Please. As if I could ever be scared of you.
BULLY RAY: Well you should be, because your big mouth just landed you in a match tonight.
ALEX SHELLEY: Bring it Bully! I’m ready to face anyone. Who you got for me.
BULLY RAY: Another pain in my ass: STING!
ALEX SHELLEY: …. Oh shit.

TAZ: Shelley should have quit while he was ahead.
JOSH: I don’t think he even came out here ahead.
TAZ: I know, that’s what I meant.
JOSH: Gotcha. Well like Bully said our first match tonight is featuring all new members of the Impact roster. Returning to the WWE, the one and luckily only Matt Hardy.
TAZ: Joining that loud mouth wannabe is a little up and comer from Ring of Honor, Roderick Strong. We’ll see if the kid can live up to the hype.
JOSH: Both are gonna have to be on their toes tonight because the last man in that triple threat… is none other than GOLDBURG.
TAZ: Wow. Listen to this crowd.
TAZ: I SAID… oh forget it.

(Triple Threat Match)

TAZ: Hardy and Strong were smart to focus the attention on Goldburg first.
JOSH: But their partnership didn’t last long. Strong realized you can’t trust a Hardy.
TAZ: Don’t think he was too worried after he body slammed Hardy on those steel steps.
JOSH: Yet neither Hardy or Strong could overcome GOLDBURG!
TAZ: The man is a beast.
JOSH: And something tells me if he doesn’t get that title shot, someone’s getting hurt.
TAZ: Speaking of getting hurt, Aries just took Sabin out!
JOSH: Chris Sabin’s been on a lot of nerves in the past, but I thought he’d made amends with the locker room?
TAZ: Apparently Aries wasn’t swayed. That clothesline damn near took Sabin’s head off!
JOSH: Let’s just hope the ref can get these two in a ring, before they destroy the arena or each other.


TAZ: Sabin trying new things in the match… Was that Cena’s AA?
JOSH: I believe so. Maybe he’s showing he can be an A+ player?
TAZ: Well I think he’s damn near proved it to everyone here
JOSH: Aries tried everything, but it just wasn’t enough.
TAZ: Makes you wonder who lit the fire under Sabin’s ass.
JOSH: And it seems… we’re being joined by X Division Champion, Manik.
TAZ: Boy do you even speak English?
MANIK: Do you speak anything but moron?
JOSH: Welcome to the team, Manik. But what’re you doing out here?
TAZ: Yeah it’s not like either of these men are even in the X Division.
MANIK: Sin Cara made a big splash last week, and I’m here to check out our newest masked fighter.
JOSH: There can be only one…
TAZ: What are you on about Josh?
MANIK: We’re masked fighters, not Highlanders.
JOSH: Okay I’m just gonna be quiet now.
MANIK: Probably a good idea.


MANIK: Bobby Roode making Sin Cara look like an amateur. I should have known not to get my hopes up for any competition.
JOSH: Well they’re always Rey Mysterio on Smackdown.
MANIK: Right. If I move wrong in the ring he might break his hip. He’s had it replaced, what five times?
JOSH: Three I think.
TAZ: Gonna stick around for this next one Manik?
MANIK: Shelley’s someone to look out for, so sure. Wouldn’t kill me. Got nothing but walls to climb in the back.
JOSH: Let’s see if the Icon can handle the returning Alex Shelley.
TAZ: That’s a joke right? I’m no fan of Sting but come on…
MANIK: If he can’t beat him, I’m thinking retirement should be an option in his near future.


MANIK: Seems that he hasn’t changed on bit. Still a slime ball.
TAZ: Looking like Dixie might have fired the wrong Maffia guy. Sting’s looking a bit rough there.
JOSH: I’m in shock right now.
MANIK: Past his prime doesn’t even begin to describe Sting. So let’s move on, what do you got next for… Mother F…
JOSH: Whoa! We can’t say that on TV!

AJ STYLES: I bought a ticket, see.
BULLY RAY: Bought a ticket my big toe. Security!
JEFF HARDY: No Bull, I got this.
BULLY RAY: You had better, or else I’ll ban the both of you.

MANIK: I think I’m gonna be sick.
JOSH: I guess our main event is set. Jeff Hardy will go one on one with AJ Styles.

MANIK: You will never hear me say this ever again but: THANK YOU HARDY.
TAZ: You’re not the only one screaming it tonight. All of Impact is.
JOSH: AJ Styles was shown the door in the only way Jeff Hardy knows how.
MANIK: With a botched drug test?
TAZ: Ha! I like this kid.
JOSH: You two are hilarious. Good night from Impact Wrestling!